If You're Not Scared - K's Choice

This is another of my all time favorite songs.  I always think of my Nanna when I hear it.  I miss her so deeply sometimes I feel like my heart is going to shatter.  There are moments when I forget she's gone...only to have the cloak of heavy sadness and darkness drown my thoughts.  I am scared.  I wish I could hear her voice.  I wish my hand could be cradled in her's like it always would be when I was close to her.  I wish I was listening to her stories, yes the ones I'd heard a thousand times before. 

How I wish I could go back and make right the choices I made.  How I wish.


Lyrics to K's Choice - If You're Not Scared
Outside it's raining, still you shine
How I've missed your trembling hands inside of mine
I've been away for ages, still you care
Do you count the Sundays when I'm there

Teach me how to watch this game
The way you see it through your magical frame
Time is ticking, try to see
That I am you and you are me

Don't deny that you're afraid to go
Don't deny that you want to cry
Look around and watch your children grow
I feel love in every sigh
If you're not scared, then why am I

Tell me stories, tell me more
Make me feel guilty for being bored
Tell me how to pick up things I've dropped
Please keep talking, never stop

Don't deny that you're afraid to go
Don't deny that you want to cry
Look around and watch your children grow
I feel love in every sigh
Pray for eternity to fly
Don't understand but how I try
If you're not scared, then why am I I feel love in every sigh
Pray for eternity to fly
Don't understand but how I try
If you're not scared, then why am I...

Passenger Seat - Death Cab for Cutie

For You Nanna

Lyrics | Bread lyrics - Everything I Own lyrics

I would give everything up for just one more day.
I'm deeply sorry I wasn't there for you Nanna.
God how I miss you. 

I'm breaking.

Rewind Button

Yesterday, my heart was pounding with anticipation.  When would I see her?  Would it be days or maybe a week?  I didn't know...but surely I could wait that long???  Couldn't I?  A dilemma that I felt was manageable. She would be coming home. When, didn't matter.  She would be in my arms and I wouldn't let her go once she was there. That was yesterday.  Today my heart died. Today I lost a big piece of it. Today my heart flatlined. She's not coming home.  Really, why would she?  I've caused so much pain it's just too much for any one individual to make it through.  So today...she's gone.  It's just a matter of time that she finds her way and remembers me only as a very bad dream she once had. I know there is love waiting for her now...just a matter of her walking through an already open door.  As my growing sadness intensifies I think, wouldn't it be great if I could get a hold of a rewind button?  But as I sit here I realize that I would need to hit that button over and over...and even then...would there be a time she loved me...had hope in me...in us?  When was that time?  That's the thing...there is no rewind button.  There is only one's past.  No one ever forgets.  We are the sum of our experiences.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  My pain is real.  Today is not. I've lost her all over again.  I've lost her forever.  I've lost her for good.  I wish I had a rewind button.  I would probably rewind so far back to my childhood...start a new and maybe grow into a person with fewer hangups, issues, problems.  Would that button have helped us?  I'll never know.  It doesn't exist.

Her name is grace.  She was able to briefly lead me from darkness and show me some light. I will love her until the end of time for that. 

Black Friday

Yes it is Black Friday.

I am not powerful. This song is powerful. I am not strong. This song has strength. I am sad. I find this song tragic.

Life is Fragile

Sadly this happened at my office building. I go out this way everyday. I think I'm still in shock about the whole thing.
Just such a freak accident to happen. Thinking about all the family and friends of the individual at this time.
So sad.

Edmonton woman dead after being hit by car